April Fool's Day roundup: the hospitality edition featuring Marco Pierre White, Jay Rayner and a smashed avocado
As ever the industry has decided to contribute its best puns and craziest ideas to April Fool's Day.
Jay Rayner and Jamie Barber unite for Italian sushi concept
Jamie Barber of Hache burger and My Million Pound Menu fame, announced he would relaunch his Japanese-Italian fusion restaurant Shumi (which lasted six months after its initial 2003 launch) with investment from Jay Rayner, adding: "Looking forward to signature dishes including Spaghetti with soy sauce and salmon sashimi a la carbonara."
Despite saying 16 years ago the restaurant should be "put out of its misery" when he arrived for a review, Rayner added: "For obvious reasons I've never invested in a restaurant before, but this just seemed an irresistible proposition. Due to recent experiences I've realised Shumi was ahead of its time. I look forward to London diners trying Shumi's killer minestrone ramen."
Judgement: Often when I arrive at work a helpful colleague will suggest a story they might have seen for me to cover. Reader, I am ecstatic to report that this was one of them.
That the Caterer team member, who shall remain nameless, read "spaghetti with soy sauce and salmon sashimi a la carbonara" and thought ‘yes, this sounds correct', is reason enough to rank this as highly as possible.
6/5 - Is it a problem that I'm earnestly considering how a minestrone ramen would work?
Marco's Motorway Drive Throughs
Black and White Hospitality has announced that Marco Pierre White will offer a series of motorway drive-through restaurants on the M25, M4, M5 and M6, apparently.
A statement from Lia L'Proof (definitely not an anagram) - the food procurement director for the UK's motorways (definitely a real job) - said it was "great news for the country's motorists" to have access to "affordable glamour" from the mind of "the UK's greatest ever chef".
In reality, the chef offers a range of franchising opportunities through Black and White including Marco Pierre White's Steak Bar and Grill, Marco's New York Italian and Wheelers Fish and Chips.
Judgement: Sadly this was all the detail given - and I have many questions. For a start, how does one eat a shepherds pie - the only certainty on the menu given Pierre White's love for it - in a car? Also how do you, after a customer asks for salt, strip a table of everything so the customer gets the message that it's time to leave, if that table is the customer's dashboard?
2/5
Smashed avocado tonic - for the youth!
British soft drinks brand, Lixir Tonic has pledged to "delight millennials" with the launch of its new smashed avocado tonic water.
Jordan Palmer, co-founder of Lixir Tonic said: "We're always working to come up with innovative new flavours for our range and we can't wait for customers to taste the fruits of our labour with this one. Some may think we've gone gin-sane, but in our eyes this is a fantastic way to ‘pip' up the classic G&T."
Judgement: Ah yes, the millennials - great killers of home cooked meals, mayonnaise and American cheese - have come for the T in our G&T.
Apparently the drink is best served "mixed with gin and paired with brunch dishes such as charcoal-infused pastries" - but why stop there? Personally I recommend combining it with vegan-friendly Sriracha hot sauce and an inability to get on the housing ladder.
3/5 - If you compare this to the very real, unbelievably trend-grabbing products and offerings of the last year or so, this doesn't even make it into the top ten.
Café Rouge is dead, long live Café Bleu
Did you know Café Rouge was initially called Café Bleu when it launched? Well now to celebrate the brand's 30th anniversary, its announced that it is rebranding like it's 1989!
Judgement: This alone wouldn't be enough to pique the interest of those looking for April Fool's fodder - and the above detail is the only information available on the rebrand. However I'm including it on the list so you can see this monstrosity - the Croque Madame Bleu with blue cheese and smoked ham, topped with a fried egg.
2/5 - Erase. This. From. My. Mind.
The Cornish Bakery launch a dating app
Award-winning small-scale chain the Cornish Bakery as announced plans to launch the My Cornish Love app, specifically pitched to the masses looking to find love in "the Poldark region".
Founder Steve Grocutt said that, given "people are finding it harder and harder to meet in this modern world" they were "delighted to extend the chances of critical, special shared Cornish love and to connect those people in new and exciting ways."
Judgement: When I got a call about this from an eager, yet earnest, PR I shrugged it off - but honestly sign me up. A huge amount of work has clearly gone into this bit (they've even got a website), plus Cornwall is great, and it can't be worse than any of the other apps on offer. I say it's time for Cornish Bakeries to pivot from pasties to Padstow pair-offs.
4/5 - For sheer effort
Spoons' split from Martin - the Morning Advertiser
JD Wetherspoon staff have announced independence from Tim Martin after a staff referendum - with the Mexit side pulling in 53.4% of the vote.
Judgement: Brexit isn't funny. Not really. I mean you can laugh at politicans getting endlessly more bizarre, sure, but there aren't any good jokes in it. That is, until now.
5/5 - Highly recommended reading
5 essential recipes for a post-Brexit Britain - Great British Chefs
Judgement: Another entry into the Brexit/food nexus, and another good one - but most of the credit goes to the level of commitment needed to get proper food-photography pictures of murky saltwater soup - along with the recipe "grab whatever vessel you have to hand and scoop up some fresh seawater. It contains the essence of all that delicious seafood you remember pre-Brexit without any risk of being captured by rogue fishermen"
5/5
'Hospitality hounds' to help plug staffing crisis - The Caterer
An army of dogs are undergoing training with the Royal Academy of Culinary Barks (RACB) and will be ready to leap into action from around 12 April. They will undertake tasks including delivering newspapers, greeting guests and even serving drinks with the aid of specially designed helmets.
Michelin-starred chef Daniel Clifford, of Cambridge's Midsummer House, is among those to have signed up to the scheme.
He told The Caterer: "We appreciate that a waiter with a wagging tail may not be what diners expect, but we're confident that our new recruits will quickly settle into the team.
"We've run some trials with the RACB and they don't take as many breaks as our more traditional workforce, although my sausage order is set to go through the roof. I've also had to double supplies of doggy bags."
Judgement: I'll be honest - my colleague wrote this one so I can't say anything bad about it. This is naturally the greatest prank this year - and to be honest the greatest piece of comical food-industry journalism since the BBC's spaghetti trees.
10/5
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