Inside track: Say goodbye to tradition, says Neil Rankin

Christmas is weird anyway. For a start it's a Christian holiday and in a multicultural society that is rapidly believing more in Facebook memes than they do religion, it feels forced and clunky. And don't get me started on Santa or putting up dead trees that shed spiky needles, let alone covering them in tinsel.

The whole thing has nothing to do the food we serve or with having a month of office parties not actually on Christmas Day. So my idea is that we keep Christmas for families, give our staff the time off and move the party (and money-making) season to a better time of year.

The plan is to take October – it's post-summer holidays but not too cold. Also October is harvest time, so it makes a lot more sense for us to be eating and drinking our body weight in honour of that rather than an illegitimate birth in 4BC.

Harvest is a worldwide celebration with no direct religious connections, so it's an easy sell. It's great for our farmers and suppliers – and it should be a hoot. I'm going to suggest we rip off the old name of ‘Loaf mass', which was also a Christian festival known as Lammas Day.

For this special celebration, I think we should ditch the overplayed turkey and brussels sprouts in favour of pies and cheese. Pies can have anything in them, no matter what your diet, culture or religion. Pies are universally banging. Cheese can be great for everyone too if you consider vegan cheese a thing.

For music I'm going to suggest we go with soul music. How much better would it be to have a few kids on your doorstep singing Sly snd the Family Stone than another desolate performance of Silent Night? We'll need a Santa-like figurehead to focus on, and while I think each culture can choose who they like, I'd like to throw Brian Blessed's name into the hat. He can bring joy to the new festive season with his bellowing laugh and shouty voice.

Whatever we decide, I hope we all have a good year. My New Year's wish is that we don't continue to get closed down again and again, and I hope more people don't die from this horrible disease. I really hope anyone that's struggling gets through it (even the ones I hate), and I hope that this government wakes up to the issues we have with visas, lockdowns and immigration. Most of all, I hope you had a Happy New Year.