Fun in the mud with the marquee de Sade

REMEMBER the advert for the euro with that happy boss and his message - Perfect Planning Prevents Poor Performance? Well, I'm sure he works for an event caterer somewhere.

We had a booking for a charity ball and, armed with the knowledge that time would be of the essence, planned our packing lists accordingly. Each element of the function was detailed separately, with glasses and bar equipment being palletised as one load and kitchen equipment as another, bound for separate marquees.

The function marquee had been used for an exhibition for the three preceding days, and was knee-deep in discarded publicity material and post-exhibition detritus when we arrived on the Friday morning. The only thing missing was the promised kitchen marquee.

The client assured us that it was due shortly (they had to take it down from another area on the site, move it and re-erect it) and we had no option but to leave the first load inside the main marquee.

Heavy rain had hampered the departure of various exhibitors but finally the kitchen marquee arrived and the contractors worked like crazy. Still, it was still nearly 10pm on the Friday before we could start putting ovens and other kitchen equipment into place. With a full team of chefs in at 8am, the pressure was on to ensure that the services were all available for use first thing.

It all came together (eventually) and service ran remarkably smoothly, with guests on coffee and spending money on charity raffle tickets by 10.15pm, leaving us to load up to go back to the warehouse.

As for the poor performance, it would have been good if we had been told that they intended taking the kitchen down at midday on the Sunday, as we ran around dragging bodies from beds to get the last of the kitchen equipment out.

As part of the ongoing nature of the business, I have the proofs for the new brochure to approve, the Web site needs updating, new clients must be called and, between me writing this and you reading it, we have our daughter's fourth birthday party - 34 four-year-olds for games, food and drinks.

Give me 1,400 for dinner any day. n

ROBERT ALVAREZ is proprietor of Phoenix Catering event caterers in Towcester, Northamptonshire

Next diary from Robert Alvarez: 3 August