Table talk
Shouldn't there be a secret handshake?
Britain's butchers continue to give the beef-on-the-bone ban all the respect they think it deserves.
A visitor to Smithfield Market, London, went in search of a rib of beef (for a dinner party) and soon found what he wanted. "You are, of course, a butcher yourself," said the cheerful chappie selling the illegal joint. "Er, no," replied the buyer, somewhat confused. "Ah, well, you must be a caterer then," countered the wholesaler.
Just in time, the buyer realised the game is to pretend you're in the trade, then you can have bone-in meat. Simple.
Preparing to repel boarders, no doubt
PSST - secret papers just released reveal that hotels and restaurants would have played a major role in Britain's war effort after a nuclear strike. Blackpool's Imperial hotel would have become North-west regional HQ and the Lansdown restaurant in Brecon the HQ for Wales.
Would menus have been limited to flash-fried duck followed by bombe glacée?
They'd run out of custard creams
One middle-class diner got more than he bargained for when he stopped for a fry-up at a greasy spoon in a Leeds backstreet.
According to his letter in The Times, after the meal, the waitress asked if he wanted a sweet. When he asked for cheese and biscuits, she was amazed but said she would see what she could find.
Minutes later she returned with a slice of processed cheese and a Penguin.
So long as he didn't turn up in an x-file
Trading with Russia and eastern Europe is potentially lucrative, but also risky. So aware of this is Cendant, the huge US franchisor of brands such as Days Inn hotels, that when it starts dealing with potential business partners in the region, it calls the CIA and the FBI to ask for help in checking them out.
Not sure if it did this with John Warwick of Premier Hotels, its UK franchisee.
Men think faster - they use less brain
Sexual stereotypes received another boost this week with the release of a survey by Brewers Fayre showing that women find it eight times harder than men to make up their minds.
While your average bloke takes two minutes to skim the menu, members of the fairer sex can take up to eight minutes, mulling over detailed descriptions of each dish.
The north-south divide also showed, with those in the North viewing dining out at pub-restaurants as an occasion, while Southerners saw it as a substitute for eating at home.
So the cops took her to the booby hatch
If you thought Hooters - the Birmingham restaurant that uses attractive young waitresses dressed in short orange skirts to attract customers - was bad enough, think again.
In the Western Australian outback, barmaids known as "skimpies" work in see-through underwear. Police have ordered the girls to cover up, but last week drinkers staged a riot when a barmaid in Kalgoorlie was arrested for showing her breasts.
The left hand doesn't know…
Left-handed customers had the tables turned in their favour last week. Or did they?
To mark International Left-handers' Day, pub chain O'Neill's boasted that it had completely restocked with left-handed beer glasses, and promised "positive discrimination" for left-handers.
Nottingham branch manager Darren McClure offered reassurance to right-handed customers, insisting: "There's nothing sinister about it."
