Table talk

A new slant on "chips with everything"

If it was 1 April, we wouldn't expect you to believe this, but the latest convenience food is a chip with the tomato ketchup already built in. The coyly named "ketchip" is the latest idea from Heinz to cash in further on the world's most famous tomato-based condiment. It hopes the idea will be a hit with mothers trying to ensure that their messy offspring are as unmessy as possible. Somehow, self-assembled chips and brown sauce, in the true British way, suddenly sounds rather appealing.

The best of confidants - bar none

Forget shrinks and therapists - the good old publican is the most favoured person to turn to in times of personal turmoil. So says a report commissioned by Hungry Horse pubs, which found that more than one-third of people questioned were most likely to discuss their intimate worries or embarrassing problems with their pub landlord or landlady, who provide "a sympathetic ear". This compares to only 10% who said they would talk to a vicar and just 4% who would bare their souls to a social worker. Perhaps the group's next survey could study the effects on publicans of years spent enduring the incoherent and alcohol-induced ramblings of their customers.

Just label the bed, "For sleeping on"

Some hotel guests are impossible to please. York-based consultancy Great Potential, during a recent survey on the nature of hotel complaints, found that one guest at the St George hotel in Harrogate (in North Yorkshire and miles from the coast) complained of the lack of a sea view, while a guest at the Rookery Hall in Nantwich said that the hotel was taking its environmental policy too far because of the size of the towels. On investigation, the offending item turned out to be a face cloth.

Well, who would ever have guessed?

The prize for claiming to discover the blindingly obvious has to go to the Novotel hotel group in Australia, which has just released its latest study of the preferences and habits of its guests. The study says that while women are more likely to pinch things from their rooms, men are more likely to watch blue movies and make passes at hotel staff. Fancy that.

And the view is out of this world

Science fanatics looking for the ultimate holiday experience away from the usual attractions of sun, sea and sand might be interested to learn that a group of investors has signed a deal to rent Russia's Mir space station. They want to turn it into an out-of-this-world hotel. Sadly, it will be a destination only for the super-rich because, in keeping with the surroundings, the room rates will soar into orbit and space tourists will be expected to fork out a whopping $20m (£12.6m) a head.

At last we're in possession of the fax

Why is the Great Eastern hotel so anxious to keep the salary of Aurora restaurant's new head chef Tim Powell under wraps? When Caterer rang up, the hotel said: "It's not as much as that," before they had even heard the amount. A faxed letter followed saying that the figure we did finally manage to put to them was "incorrect". Good to have that cleared up, then. It's definitely not £75,000 a year, a £2,000 entertainment allowance and a car.