Table Talk

No, they're not taking the p***
The people who brought us the "indestructible sandwich" have now developed a dried food ration that troops can hydrate even using the filthiest of swamp water - or their own urine.

The chicken-and-rice ration comes in a pouch containing a filter that removes 99.9% of bacteria from liquid. It comes wrapped in a membrane of thin cellulose-based plastic with microscopic perforations big enough to allow water molecules through but too small for germs.

The aim is to reduce the amount of water soldiers have to carry. One day's supply of the ration weighs less than 1lb, compared with 8lbs. The ration was developed by the US Army Systems Centre in Massachusetts, which also created a sandwich which stays fresh for three years.

Danny La Rue, 52 - and over to you
Brixton Bar & Grill has launched a series of gay bingo evenings hosted by drag artist Satanica Pandamonia. At the south London haunt, owned by New York DJ legend Arthur Baker, Satanica is belting out the bingo lingo every Sunday afternoon and evening. "Number 88 - two fat transsexuals; legs eleven - looking rather hairy." Keep your eyes down for a full house.

Must be the mane attraction As temperatures reach 39¼C in Tokyo, the Japanese are being urged to cool down with tub of raw horse-meat ice-cream.

The government has helped set up a summer-long trade fair in central Tokyo, called Ice Cream City, to bolster domestic production and consumption, which is not restricted to sweet varieties. As well as horse-flesh sushi, goats' milk and goat meat ice-creams and cow's tongue sorbet are available. Another freezer contains ice-cream flavoured with octopus, abalone, oysters, shrimp, crab and whale. The most expensive varieties, selling for £5 a small tub, are shark's fin and sea urchin roe ice-cream.

Heston Blumenthal, who serves a bacon-and-egg ice-cream at the Fat Duck in Bray, Berkshire, said that the British are not as adventurous because they've been conditioned to expect ice-cream to be sweet.