Table Talk

Stalk is cheap but staying silent will cost you
Looks like Jamie Oliver has acquired a stalker. Browsing his website forums last week (yes, I know, very sad), we came across a string of frantic posts from someone called LR. When Jamie fails to respond in person, LR throws an online wobbly and demands to speak to Mrs Oliver instead. And then when she doesn't answer, he starts complaining that she's sent him a link to a "naked cartoon man". Priceless stuff.
For more hospitality gossip, check out the kitchen rat weblog at www.bizbuzzmedia.com.

Black Forest beauty show nipped in the bud
Beer drinkers in Germany are frothing at the mouth over EU plans to make Bavarian barmaids cover up. The aim of the proposed EU directive is to protect them from the sun's harmful rays. But the so-called "tan ban" has been condemned as absurd by breweries, politicians - and the barmaids.
Bavarian barmaids typically wear a costume known as a dirndl - a dress and apron with a tight, low-cut top enhanced by a short white blouse. Under the EU's Optical Radiation Directive, employers must ensure staff who work outdoors cover up against the risk of sunburn. Bavarian barkeepers have been told the dirndl will have to be replaced as it doesn't provide adequate protection. They face heavy fines if they fail to comply.
A spokesman for the Bavarian Hotel and Restaurant Union said: "I have spoken to lots of waitresses and none said sunburn in the dcollet area was a problem."

Anyone plays double-blank, the licence fee doubles
At brewing company Young's recent AGM, chairman John Young talked of the menace of bureaucracy. Giving examples of some of the horrors the company had faced when applying for new licences, Young said one application had been refused because the local council decided the notice in the pub window was the wrong shade of blue. Another council slashed a pub's capacity by more than half and demanded a doorman with a clicker and a one-in-one-out policy, while dominoes, cribbage and darts had to be licensed. Incredibly, one declared insufficient information on a submission that stretched to 41 pages. Summing up the process succinctly was the council department that returned an application with the comment: "We're not interested."