Table talk

Frying tonight: battered mars bars

The rising cost of the humble spud has driven people to extremes to find alternatives but Table Talk has heard of none better than the Haven Chip Shop at Stonehaven, Grampian, where deep-fried chocolate is on offer.

Local schoolkids suggested coating a Mars bar in batter and then frying it. Since then, Crunchies, Snickers and Yorkies have been tried.

But manageress Ann Straiton doubts there is any future in the fad and has yet to put it on her menu. More worryingly, she received her first hatemail letter last week accusing her of clogging up children's arteries.

Job swap idea doesn't add up

The Times recently reported the details of a job swap between Christopher Andrews, group finance director for the holding company of London's Athenaeum hotel, and William Barney, head of hotel consulting at accountants KPMG.

The benefits of such an exercise are, no doubt, manifold, but it is perhaps worth noting that the protagonists in a similar swap last year - the Athenaeum's general manager James Brown and leisure analyst Peter Hilliar of BZW - have both since moved on. Perhaps Messrs Andrews and Barney would do better to concentrate on their own jobs.

Creating classic cuisine in Essex

The legendary fondness of chefs for alcohol in their cooking has produced some of the world's classic dishes, including coq au vin, boeuf bourguignon and steak and ale pie.

But the chef at the Darby Digger pub in Wickford, Essex, has taken things a step further with home-made specials such as pork and Caffrey's pie and Hoopers Hooch meringue pie. How long before we see Two Dogs stew?

Scottish golfers get a pizza the action

In an unusual twist on the normal pizza promotions, Pizzaland has decided to forego the two-for-one, eat-as-much-as-you-like promotions adopted by the other high street names. Instead, it is celebrating the opening of Scotland's 20th Pizzaland in Kilmarnock with a golf tournament.

The Pizzaland Open features Gordon Sherrie, the current British amateur golf champion, who will be aiming to score a hole in one by putting a ball through a specially-constructed pizza.

Table Talk suspects he is relieved that he doesn't have to consume a whole in one.

Marketing genius or toilet humour?

Is nowhere sacred? There are few enough places where you can escape the constant onslaught of advertising but now even the pub lavatory has been infiltrated.

According to Manchester-based Hi Tech Solutions, more than 500 outlets in the Granada region alone have been equipped with its advertising boards.

The vandal-proof placards are located above the urinals in the men's and on the backs of doors in the ladies' loos. The company believes each message will have 3,450 "impacts" a week and keeps its audience glued for 30 seconds.

Secretive VIP makes a grand entrance

The Nantyffin Cider Mill Inn, just outside Crickhowell, Powys, boasts that it is a Mecca for celebrities, but even it was surprised by a recent VIP visit. The guest was Jimmy Carter, who caught out chef-proprietors Sean Gerrard and Glyn Bridgeman by not booking in advance for security reasons.

But such secrecy did not apply once he arrived. All were made aware of his presence - even if they did not recognise him - thanks to several armed bodyguards.