Table talk
Naff art alert - somebody call a Constable
Hanagers without skirt hooks, mucky telephone receivers, fake flowers, and badly positioned hairdryers are among the top pet hates of women conference organisers who stay regularly in business hotels. More than 90 female executives were questioned by the Banks Sadler meetings agency. Also high on the list of overnight nasties were cheap loo paper, mouldy shower curtains, and bruised fruit in a bowl. Penny Thomas, director of Banks Sadler, said: "The issue raised is that women organisers could be invited by venues to become standards watchdogs for their accommodation." She added that male organisers placed more emphasis on soundproofing, the view, and the choice of television channels, and concluded: "For comfort considerations women are the best testers." However, one thing bridged the sex divide and was damned by all, including that notable hotel critic, tourism minister Kim Howells. It seems everyone hates "tasteless" and "naff" reproduction paintings. It's high time we fought back. Hoteliers and guesthouse owners are strongly urged to form a Tasteless Reproduction Appreciation and Preservation Society before this much-maligned and misunderstood national art form disappears.
Just when you thought charity work was safe An Arambark chef risked his life swimming alongside sharks for charity last month. Phill Grima, who has his own collection of marine fish - but nothing quite that big - took part in a sponsored shark swim at the Blue Planet Aquarium in Ellesmere Port, Cheshire, for the industry charity Hospitality Action. He took the plunge into a tank that holds nine sharks, including 7ft long Sand Tigers. "I didn't have any nerves at all. Although the sharks weren't tame they just seemed to ignore me," said Phill, delighted that he wasn't torn to shreds. His daring dive netted £350 for charity. Tony Allen, chief executive of Hospitality Action, said: "We're constantly amazed at the lengths to which people will go to raise money for colleagues in the industry."
We've heard of cutting the mustard, but… A watch repairer in southern India has carved an unusual niche for himself in the realms of fine dining. Sebastian David sliced a mustard seed into 508 pieces with a razor blade in 16 minutes without resorting to a magnifying glass. He was inspired to this feat after hearing of a man who cut a cucumber into 100,000 pieces. Fortunately for slicers and dicers across the country, there is little call for such precision - unless a trend for micro-meals develops.
The spy who infested me Japanese scientists, helped by a £7m government grant, are developing a remote-controlled cockroach that can carry a tiny camera and microphone for spying missions. With a microchip surgically implanted in its back and electrodes connected to its brain, scientists can make the cockroach turn left, right, crawl forward or leap backwards. The scourge of the kitchen was chosen because cockroaches' body shells are extremely strong and resistant to poisons and radiation. A scientist from Tokyo university explained that insects can do many things humans cannot, and the potential applications could be immense. So will we see unscrupulous chefs stealing rivals' recipes using insect espionage?
