Table talk

Wild? They were absolutely livid

Bored with the same old dishes turning up on menu after menu? Chicken, lamb, beef… What? Again? If you're the kind of person who fancies a nice piece of pangolin once in a while, it's time you packed your bags and set off for Cambodia. The country's wildlife officials have rescued more than 1,300 endangered animals from the kitchens of restaurants in Phnom Penh. The endangered animals were discovered in a three-month operation against restaurants specialising in rare delicacies. Sun Hean of the Cambodian agriculture ministry's wildlife protection unit said: "We rescued wild boars, porcupines [hmm, built-in skewers], a sun bear, rare turtles and pangolins." Pangolins, as you all know, of course, are tree-dwelling scaly anteaters.

Hilton raises your expectations

It's time to flush your stash of Viagra down the toilet and try a brand new sex drug. This ground-breaking aid to your flagging libido is called Hilton. The hotel group's short breaks are far more arousing and cheaper than a standard course of the perky blue pills, according to a recent marketing campaign. Hilton boasts that a course of four 100mg Viagra tablets costs £80, compared with its luxury breaks which start at just £25 per person. And, whereas you and your partner merely get a few hours of torrid, abandoned, earth-moving passion from Viagra, the Hilton short break titillates you with LivingWell health clubs and tempts you with the culinary delights of Sunday family specials. No contest, then.

May the Forces eat with you

Welsh pubs could shortly benefit from a new line of business - as Army recruitment centres. In a bid to swell the service's ranks, the new commanding officer in Wales plans to send his squads out to recruit from the crowds in public places such as markets and superstores. Doubters and ditherers who prove reluctant to accept their marching orders will be handled with kid gloves - officers and soldiers will attempt to break down their resistance over a cosy pub supper. That reminds us of the king's shilling being hidden in the bottom of a pint tankard…

At least it removes that nagging doubt about BO

Public speaking - it's not nice, is it? Phil Hooper, ironically the communications director at Sodexho, recently recalled a conference in South Africa where he nervously addressed a room full of executives. He got the sense it wasn't going well when, halfway through, the entire front row got up and left. He battled on to the end to discover the truth only when he came off stage - the deserters had been at the wrong conference.

You'll like this. Not a lot, but you'll like it

Ever eager to present the most relevant statistics, Caterer attended a recent industry event held at the Magic Circle HQ in London on IT in Hospitality. Anticipating the magic theme, we kept track of the number of spurious puns and references from the four speakers - and we weren't disappointed. The stream of verbal hocus pocus ranged from "IT is like a box of tricks" to "There's no magic wand we can wave to solve the industry's problems." The speakers conjured up no fewer than 26 references to magic in an hour-and-a-half. Just like that.