Table talk

So that's where all the £5 notes are going

Heatmiser UK, a manufacturer of heating control systems, seems to have had a rush of blood to the head in its eagerness to sell its products to the hospitality industry. A statement issued by the company last week boldly asserted that British businesses were "literally burning money by turning their heating systems on too early". Perhaps the Bank of England should be told.

What the hell - everyone back to my place

Speaking from a London hotel last week, the chairman of Whitbread, Sir John Banham, said: "In my misspent youth I set up the Audit Commission, and one of the first things I had to deal with was the demolition of the Greater London Council." Prudently Banham did not destroy the building while he was at it, because the GLC HQ went on to become the very same Marriott Hotel County Hall in which he stood.

Swelling with pride, he said that because of the way Whitbread treated its employees, the building was now full of happy and industrious staff - a contrast to Red Ken's unfortunate bureaucrats. Banham continued to spread happiness and good fortune to both the public and Whitbread's shareholders at Gatwick airport. Encountering two Nigerians whose flight had been cancelled, leaving them stranded for the night, he told them: "There's a Travel Inn three minutes down the road. It's £40 a night or you can share a room and pay £20 each. In fact, if you're not completely satisfied, don't pay anything at all. If there's any hassle, here's my card. I'm the chairman."

And the refugees got clean away

A stowaway group of refugees trying to make their way to England have damaged a consignment of Pacific Direct delightfully fragrant toiletries as supplied to high quality hotels. The trailer travelling through Europe towards Bedford was home to 13 refugees for several days. The sachets of shampoo and bath gel worth £5,000 were destined for hotels across the country. But, no doubt hoping to find food, the refugees must have damaged the goods, which are now unfit to be sold. It is believed the stowaways escaped undetected at Calais. Carolyn Norman, logistics co-ordinator at Pacific Direct, said: "I know our delightful selection of brands are highly sought-after, but I am surprised just how far people will go to be associated with Pacific Direct's Brand Boutique." And we are surprised at just what desperate circumstances some companies will use to promote their products.

Just put it on my bill please, waiter

Restaurateur Salvo Lagambina came to the rescue of a starving customer who urgently needed a takeaway. The order? All the whitebait he had in stock at his restaurant, Salvo's, in Burnham-on-Sea, Somerset. The customer? A very hungry great crested grebe chick taken in by a nearby animal rescue centre. With the local fishmonger's closed, a member of the centre's staff remembered seeing whitebait on Salvo's menu, and Lagambina was happy to play the saviour.