Table talk
How to get more guests without spending a bomb
Hotelier Lyn Vine has found a better way than advertising to attract guests - have a bomb alert. Vine had to book her only guest into alternative accommodation as she waited for a Royal Navy bomb disposal unit to arrive after a gardener unearthed a wartime shell in the grounds of the Kittiwell House hotel in Croyde, Devon. Then, having declared the shell safe, the five-man unit promptly booked into the hotel for the night. The net result was four extra guests. And the gardener's name? Bruce (now known as Bomber) Harris.
I recognise that face…
Being a celebrity chef can, at times, be a serious disadvantage, as Paul Heathcote once found out. The Lancashire chef-turned-restaurateur was explaining the other day how he went to hospital to have, as he called it, "the op" - that's a vasectomy to you and me. He said: "There I was, lying on the table with a small towel over me and all my tackle hanging out, when a nurse, who was leaning against the wall, looked at me and said: ‘You know what? I saw you on telly the other day'."
Confusion food?
The residents of South-east Asia are well-known for their ability to mangle the English language, and few are more prone than the region's restaurant owners, according to the latest issue of Malaysia Airlines' in-flight magazine. It describes an eaterie in Vietnam that offers "Chicken Get Angry Curry" and "Fried Fog in Garlic", and another in Cambodia whose menu includes "Chicken Parts Preserved in the Fridge". Disappointingly, the latter turned out to be a rather uninspiring sausage.
Now you sea it, now you don't
Andrew Melvin, who called in Caterer's Troubleshooters at his Westhill hotel in Aberdeen last week (Caterer, 29 November, page 20), has one particular problem that no amount of discussion could solve. People keep phoning up to demand rooms with a sea view, which is giving the ever-willing-to-please Melvin a bit of a headache. "We're six miles from the coast," he bleats.
Sophisticated diners leave their mark
The stains found down the shirt-fronts of Britain's messy diners reflect a dramatic cultural shift, according to a study carried out by dry-cleaning company Johnsons. Whereas the most common stains 10 years ago were tea, coffee, grass and ketchup, today they include teriyaki sauce, olive oil, pesto and saffron. As beetroot has fallen out of favour, stains caused by the Indian spice turmeric have become common and devilishly difficult to budge.
Terry's woe gone?
After weeks of being left out in the cold, there is mounting speculation that chat show host Michael Parkinson might relent and allow poor old Terry Wogan into his recently opened Berkshire pub. The cheeky Irish DJ has been bemoaning the fact on his Radio 2 slot that he has been banned from the Royal Oak in Paley Street. But his transparent attempt to wheedle himself into the bar by appearing on Parky's chat show hasn't fooled the sharp-witted TV host. "Hmm, I think he's trying to soft-soap me," a cautious Parky told Table Talk before the show. "Anyway, I'm not sure what his problem is… I always send a few scraps out to him in the car park, you know!"
