Table talk
‘Dear Prison Diary - New plan: escape to Cornwall… ‘
Richard Young, owner of the Lugger hotel in Portloe, Cornwall, was amused to receive a letter requesting his Cornish Escape brochure from a Mr J Archer - but it turned out to be a Jeremy Archer of Luton, not his lying lordship Jeffrey Archer, now languishing in Lincoln. Young has sent a brochure to both Archers but pointed out to Prisoner FF 8282 that rates would very likely have changed by 2005.
You must be nuts to need this safety order
Health and safety experts have made a pub erect a sign warning customers that at this time of year conkers fall from horse chestnut trees. The move was forced on the Golden Lion in Rochester, Kent, after a mother complained that her five-year-old son had been hit on the head. Now the entrance to the beer garden at the JD Wetherspoon pub features a sign which reads: "Please be aware of falling conkers from tree above." The tree has a protection order.
Eeny, meeny, miney, ME!
James Kowszun recruited chef Hywel Jones to London restaurant the Pharmacy's kitchens in a beautifully round-about headhunting move. The chief executive of the Hartford Group said he didn't have much hope of getting Jones, so he sent someone to ask the talented young Welshman whom he would recommend as chef at Pharmacy. "What about me?" was the reply. Mission accomplished.
The big clown's gone and burgered off
First it was leaves on the line, but last week trains between London and South Wales were delayed by a giant Ronald McDonald. Staff in Newport went on to the roof of their fast-food outlet to blow up (reinflate, not explode) the 25ft clown figure. But when they got up there, they found it had disappeared. Warnings were issued to Railtrack. The big clown was seen on the tracks for a short time, causing delays. But when staff went to catch it, it had blown away. Rob Parker, corporate affairs manager for McDonald's in Wales, said by now it was either flying over Europe or somewhere in outer space.
Landlord of all you survey
Crafty marketers at pub group Greene King are running a competition in which customers can achieve their ultimate goal - to own their own branded pub. Better still, there will be no problems with staff, customers or drinking-up times, and the "pub", complete with SkyTV and a year's supply of beer, fits into your back garden. In fact, on closer inspection the "pub" bears a remarkable resemblance to a garden shed. Fantastic - a drinking man's Wendy house.
The blessed Jeremy, patron saint of hotel handymen
Actor Jeremy Irons has been called a "saviour" in Montenegro after spending £65,000 at a hotel on the tiny island of Sveti Stefani. He was there for two months while shooting a new film, Mathilde. The island was once a jet-set destination for stars such as Elizabeth Taylor and Sophia Loren before suffering an economic crisis caused by the war that broke Yugoslavia apart. The manager of the Sveti Stefan hotel, Pero Radjenovic, said: "Jeremy Irons had the largest bill we've had for years, which means we can now do some important repairs. He has become our saviour. He reminded us of the old days, when we used to host rich and famous guests."
