table talk

… and keep an eye out for the Laura Ashley mob

We may all be used to heavy-handed bouncers refusing us entry in to our local high-street watering hole simply because we're wearing trainers, but how many of us have been turned away thanks to an umbrella? Well, exactly that fate beset a female oil worker who turned up at the Filling Station bar in Aberdeen clutching a trendy Burberry umbrella, reported the Daily Record.

She was barred from entry because she resembled the local football hooligans, who, it seems, have adopted Burberry as unofficial kit. A number of, no doubt fashionable, incidents at pubs in the area have led to the ban.

Lines on the occasion of the first Excellence Awards

Veteran comedian Barry Cryer was on hand to entertain guests at last week's inaugural Catering Update Excellence Awards. The gagtastic Cryer rounded off his speech with an ode "in praise of all in catering - whether cooking, serving or waitering… you flourish as you nourish us, with taste and style and little fuss. Nothing is too paltry or poultry for you." The poetic punathon hit the spot with the gathered industry bigwigs, though Cryer himself conceded that his verse was unlikely to have the poet laureate looking nervously over his shoulder. He rounded off his ode: "‘But now my lines grow limpy,' as TS Eliot said. ‘This is how it ends, not with a banger but a Wimpy.'"

Reluctant shoppers get a Christmas comfort zone

The Ramada Plaza Regents Park hotel in London aims to clean up this December with the launch of its Men's Grotto for "shop-shy partners". Blokes tired of shuffling along behind their other half weighed down with Christmas shopping can seek temporary refuge in the hotel's executive lounge, which is to be revamped as an "a-lad-ins" cave, with satellite TV, internet, plasma screen and lad's mags. Use of the lounge is, however, limited to guests who book the Ramada's £90 per couple per night package, available for weekends in December.

Fitness regime of the naked guest

Pack up the pumps and the leotards: the latest research in the USA reveals the health-conscious business traveller's favourite travel accessories are a pair of trainers and a sweat top. Or are they? While the research pointed out that most hotel fitness facilities could be in better shape, 11% of travellers surveyed confessed to working out in the buff. Doing press-ups or trotting around your hotel room starkers might be good for your heart, but it really doesn't bare thinking about…