Gadgets you never knew you'd need
PROVIDING you are reading this on the morning of publication, today is the opening of the World of Hospitality at Earls Court, London.
Formerly Hotelympia, this is the industry's showcase for all that is new and shiny, or as is more often the case, things that have been tweaked or repackaged.
Yet, casting cynicism aside, I shall be walking around all three exhibition halls today with great enthusiasm and expectation, looking for the items that this industry desperately needs.
My first visit will be as always to the stands showing the latest high-tech gizmos. It is here we find solutions to problems that constantly plague the industry, as well as those we never knew we had.
Watch out for the unveiling of the talking mini-bar. This is not the gentle velvet sound of "Jeez, you've had a hard day - let me fix you a large Manhattan" as the guest opens the door. Instead, it is a voice that, when the guest "forgets" to write down drinks removed from the mini-bar, shouts out, "Oi, that's £4.20 you owe".
The equipment section is always interesting. I shall be looking expectantly at small utensils to see, if at last, someone has invented the stainless steel teapot which does not drip tea all over the table-cloth each time you pour from it. The person who designed those currently in use should have a sackful of them dropped on his head every morning. When I spot the non-drip stainless steel teapot I shall rush along the motorways and trunk roads of Britain, dropping samples off at every service area I can find.
In the food hall, the centre of attraction will undoubtedly surround the manufacturer who has invented non-shrinking bacon. As things presently stand, the rashers stretch out languidly across the frying pan until the heat hits the meat. Then, suddenly, the poor little rashers curl up in horror, puffing out clouds of steam because of what is happening to them. In seconds you have a breakfast just the right size for the Incredible Shrinking Man.
Rumour has it that somebody, maybe the ingenious Bernard Matthews, will unveil the dream of all banqueting managers: the chicken that has not the customary two legs and two breasts, but no legs and four breasts.
In the World of Interiors section I shall be bringing back many rolls of the new wallcovering that has sharp, wooden splinters as part of a bas-relief, so that when mischievous fingernails try to peel back the new wallpaper in moments of boredom, the miscreant will get a sharp reminder that we really don't like that being done. Wallpaper is for looking, not plucking.
Often it's the details of innovation that prove the most useful. Much interest is to be expected on the stand showing for the first time the credit card sales voucher with the extra box added to the end column.
This is so the meal cost can be written in as normal, the service charge entered in the totals box, leaving a final box blank so the clot of a customer can add an amount for service a second time. What a wheeze!
This promises to be the most exciting exhibition ever. I can't wait to begin my tour of the halls. o
